What’s the purpose of it all?
28th July 2012
So what’s the purpose of it all? What is the purpose of Life…? Big question, I know, but for some reason I’m always pondering this big, abyss-like question which at times can, I admit, consume me and make me miserable.
So what is it? I use to think that being a better person, doing nice deeds for others…you know the stuff they teach you at sunday school. I used to think that was what it was all about. And it wasn’t because I was religious, really but without noticing I had build up this spiritual reality that was based on one infinite all loving being which encompassed everything and that the goal was to be as close to that ideal as possible. And then I watch a stupid program about science, I so wish I hadn’t watched it…and there all went crumbling down.
All my thoughts about being nice to others and being kind…and the notion that anybody that really, really wanted to change could do it, no matter how bad their circumstances. Well…I guess some may call it growing up; the notion that the world is not this idealistic place that would be depicted in Walt Disney movies, no it’s not like that and shit does happen. A lot.
It’s difficult to explain, how raw the world seemed after that…it was terrible. It was a little bit, so you get the picture, like Mad Max, it just all seemed so wild and unjust. So wounded and cruel. Nothing could save it, not even me. There was no reason to try. I had to give up.
And that’s what made me go down. So fast. I’m still recovering from the fall. I rejected everything I held to be true before. Couldn’t read any of the books, that used to give me comfort and help me keep my faith in the Highest Love.
So what now…I don’t know. I had a really bad couple of days. Nothing seems good enough. Not even my 14 month old daughter. I know, it’s that bad…
But today I thought of something…maybe the purpose of it all, it’s for us to try to better ourselves. Not so we can be more like “God” but rather so that we can in a way, “evolve” to be a better member of our species. If this is all about science. If science is what took it all away, maybe I’ll find my answer in science, not from a metaphysical point of view, but just from a hard fact-ed point of view, we’re just here to better ourselves so that the world can keep going round, doing what it does, and for us to go to bed every night satisfied with ourselves, because we were better than yesterday.