How to find clarity
15th November 2021
Today feels really messy inside my head. My old tape about abandonment is playing in the background. It makes me feel anxious and scared. It’s like and impending sense of doom that paralyses me and doesn’t let me move in the direction I know deep down I should be moving in.
The only way forward when I feel so out of control is through the present moment. Sit down. Make tea. Take a moment to be here, to get back to your real self rather than just being an old tape playing. I’m not even sure where I picked up this old tape that regularly likes to play in my head but I’m pretty sure it’s dysfunctional and doesn’t serve me well. It may have done at some point, but not anymore. So thank you old tape but I need to say goodbye.
Michael Singer, in his transformational book, the Untethered Soul says that we only have one choice in this life, one basic decision that we need to make and it’s whether we want to be happy or we don’t want to be happy…Well, that’s a silly question, of course I want to be happy! but there’s a caveat, you have to decide to be happy no matter what happens on the outside. Bad hair days, money problems, delays, divorce…no matter what happens outside you have to remain happy inside.
So what you do is you set an intention for yourself. You say: I want to be happy no matter what. And so in my particular predicament I can’t say I want to be happy but only if Martin shows me an acceptable amount of love and attention. When I write it down like this, it even seems funny. Why would I put my happiness in the hands of someone else’s behaviour? It doesn’t sound very wise as I can’t control how others behave. It’s literally a recipe for unhappiness.
That’s it then, I got it. It doesn’t feel messy anymore. I feel determined that my intention for this moment and for today it’s to be happy no matter what. I accept life as it comes and I’m just grateful I get to be here to experience it. Suddenly the tape stops playing. Because I can hardly hear my old tapes when I’m really and honestly showing up in this moment. I feel better, I see more clearly. I’m here now.