Accepting your parents and your childhood
18th October 2021
Enlightenment is a very special thing. But in truth, one should not focus on it. Focus instead on the walls of your own making that are blocking the light.
My mum is visiting after almost two years without seeing her because of COVID. I’ve got a complicated relationship with my mum, as we had a hard time growing up after my mum and dad divorced when I was ten and we lost our family home and my mum struggled to make ends meet.
Which basically means I have built a lot of walls around my image of her and what she represents for me. The fact that she’s visiting means that I have to face some of my walls head on.
This morning, in my morning meditation and writing I’ve decided to try and unpack all the things that keep the light from coming in. I’ve done a list of all the things my mind tells me when I’m around her, most of it negative I’ve found out and most of it not true, but it’s amazing, how many assumptions we have floating around our minds that inform our behaviours and choices and that we have no idea are there because they’re so automatic and kind of always been there. They’re part of our internal landscape if you like.
So, I made the list and after I finished the list I went through each item and asked myself if that particular item was absolutely true or not. None of them were. Some of them were partially true but at the same time I was judging her extra harshly as I didn’t see the same attributes as negative on other people around me. Which led me to the realisation that I am ashamed of my upbringing as there was a lot of hardship, mental and emotional illness in it. She represents that part of my journey that I’m trying to forget, that I’m trying to hide from.
However, all of it, it’s just a wall in my mind. One that now I see clearly I can choose to let go off. Every time my mind wants to focus and ruminate over it I can now let it go. Every time, just let it go. Let the light in to the past and more importantly to the present. Thank you mum for showing me the way.